My eyes opened slowly as I came to. It was all over. I was lying face up on the bed and I was quickly overwhelmed by the raging and searing pain in my lower back. The last thing I could remember was lying face down on the table, positioning...
Blog Posts
Where did it go?
Where did it go? For years there was this natural pulse of activity in organizing teleconferences and events. I can’t even call it an effort because it felt as natural as breathing, almost like it was my breath. Every day, all day, thoughts appeared that were related to the...
Avoiding the feeling of helplessness
We have not tired of witnessing this phenomenon yet; the tidal pool filling up and emptying out every day. The winding river down the side of our yard is part of this wonder. At low tide it is empty except for the small stream of fresh water that flows down into the...
Chronic Illness and Politics
Our current political climate is giving me a powerful refresher course in the chronic illness experience. It’s been a few years since I was last dealing with the experience of chronic illness. I’ve had a bump in the road here and there, but that week in week out, month...
Contemplating the Election of 2016
Mostly my focus is on emotional healing through the experiences provided by chronic illness. At the chore of it, it’s always about “Who am I?” and this election season is providing significant opportunities for a deeper understanding of who we are. These passed few months, and particularly the passed...
It’s All Energy
This particular Abraham quote is one of my favorites, and yet I have avoided posting it because without a bit of context, it tends to piss people off. I invite you to read it anyway, and then even if you are irritated, read further. It’s definitely worth exploring because...
Be Kind For Lyme
An interview on Emotional and Spiritual Healing Be Kind for Lyme is the do good, feel good movement! They challenge people to random acts of kindness; and to post about it with video/pics/stories. Holly Roesing and Mary Ann Mazzarella are the amazing women who began the #bekindforlyme Movement. Sharing...
Oil, a Ball and some Fishhooks
This might be a strange title for a posting on how to flow with life and not get stuck in the suffering. Let me elaborate. We are often in conversation about allowing ourselves to open to the experience of life as it is, to allow the feelings that correlate...
Stop the Suffering
I might be the only person I know who hasn’t watched Grey’s Anatomy…until now. It was only last week that I began on Season 1, Episode 1…and I’m officially in binge watch mode. After two weeks of putting more mileage on my car than I normally do in four...
A Lesson in Leaving
There were three non-negotiable requirements for the next dog we were to adopt: Both our girls had to fall in love with the same dog It had to be a medium sized dog It had to be a short haired dog And that’s how we ended up with Ben....
An Old Piano and a New Lesson
The girls were in elementary school when they began piano lessons. We purchased an old upright piano through a music school and it found its home in our playroom. The tinkle of simple practice sessions and newly learned musical pieces floated through the house, usually in cramming sessions before...
One step forward, two steps back
Being chronically ill often provides the experience of a step forward into feeling better and then falling back into a rush of symptoms. This occurred multiple times with me as I journeyed forward toward wellness and well being. How we respond to this phenomena can greatly impact our quality...
Doing it her way
It’s been almost a year since my dog, Thandi, was diagnosed with a tumor on her pituitary gland. It’s been a time of focus on feeding her cooked food, supporting her through seizures, and managing a steadily increasing protocol of drugs. She has been teaching me all along. Giving...
Stepping into the unknown
Being physically fit was a constant through my life, even during times when I was heavier than normal or not taking care of myself. Getting to the gym and taking morning runs were totally ingrained into my daily routine. I didn’t care if I felt crappy walking into the...
Going with the flow
“Going with the flow” is an expression we often hear and often tell ourselves we are doing. But is it really something we do? Isn’t it perhaps simply a way of being in which we are receiving life as it is without succumbing to the resistance our thoughts entice?...
A sense of well being during illness
In the midst of what once felt like a fight for my life, the last thing I would have wanted to hear was that I was not allowing a sense a well being, or that complaining about my illness might be disallowing improvement. Actually, I might have been angered...
The broader our wheel base, the less we wobble around corners
When a curve in the road of life topples you over like a little Smart Car taking a sharp turn at 80 mph, brush yourself off and look at how you can broaden your wheel base so that you are more like a Formula 1 racing car that grips...
The Universe: infinite to finite to infinite
A recent participation in a retreat, focused on the nature of awareness, took me out of mind chatter and into a deeper understanding and knowing of the “I” that we are. I floated peacefully through the weeks that followed, in tearful awe at the beauty of what is. And...
On suffering and forgiveness
Today I read a quote by one of my favorite non-dualistic teachers, Rupert Spira: “Have the courage and the clarity to see that God neither cares nor even knows about suffering. Suffering is resistance, and God – eternal, infinite Awareness – like empty space, knows no resistance, and therefore cannot know suffering.” It...
Meditations on Death
At my sickest, when I was sure that death was imminent, I stopped resisting everything about the experience and surrendered. In that moment I became fully present to the ‘now’, and I experienced the essence of Self. And in that moment, I felt completely fulfilled and I made peace...
Frozen in illness?
Even though my children are grown up, I have remained a fan of animated movies. I recently went to see Frozen, and as is often the case, I thoroughly enjoyed the humor and then found myself contemplating the underlying message. Spoiler alert: this is the story in a nutshell....
Teens and Lyme Disease
At a glance it would seem so unfortunate that a teenager would be dealt the hand of Lyme disease on top of dealing with the social challenges of being a teen. How unfair, that at a time when going out with friends, experimenting with life and social ‘rules’ would...
CDC announces 300K new cases of Lyme per year – now what?
There has been a great deal of excitement in the Lyme community since last week when the CDC finally released a statement declaring that there are at least 300,000 new cases of Lyme disease each year. For years we have been preaching this from every soap box we could...
Never-ending Blue
Who am I? The ultimate question. I remember being 7 years old and contemplating that very question. I went through my entire body looking for that answer. Am I my hands because I can feel things through touch? Am I my eyes because I can see? Am I my...
A Daughter’s Experience of her Mom’s Lyme Disease
My Experience with Lyme disease from the outside: by Samantha Rushovich Having a chronic illness is something I cannot relate to. I don’t know what it’s like to wake up everyday feeling sick, hopeless, and afraid. I don’t know the frustration that comes along with not being able to...
Finding my Self in a barn
I’ve learned from this beautiful, 120 year old barn. Filled with the accumulated dirt and debris over it’s long and mysterious life, it holds the scents of over a century of history and earthiness. It has been used in ways I have no knowledge of, and it has tired...
Dog Therapy
My eyes opened to see two sets of brown eyes peering expectantly at me. This is a daily routine. The dogs wait with great anticipation for their morning walk on the trails. I hear my mind kick into high gear, as usual, reviewing the list of things I’d like...
What does the Lyme community share with The City of Joy?
Tonight I attended an event at ABC Home & Carpet in the Deepak Homebase studio. Eve Ensler (of the Vagina Monologues) led this discussion about supporting Congolese women recover and heal from the war atrocities of gang rapes and mutilation. But it was so much more than that…the discussion...
So much to say about so little
After years of reading many books by wonderful teachers and authors (Chopra, Tolle, Dyer, Gangaji, Hawkins, Katie, Rumi…to name a few), participating in personal development programs, meditating, chanting, personal introspection, listening to talks and seminars, trying all sorts of different healing modalities, I have come to realize something….so much...
That perfect moment.
After a couple of pretty hectic weeks, last night I hit my stride again, the stride that actually works for me…gentleness. I climbed gratefully into bed, early. What to read? What to listen to? I took my iPad and downloaded a 30 minute audio book by Gangaji, something that...
The ‘Doctors’
When it comes to tick-borne illnesses, there is an ongoing stream of complaints about doctors, not just medical doctors, but healthcare providers across the spectrum into ‘alternative’ healthcare providers (OD’s, ND’s, DC’s, etc). There are also many praises sung for others in the same fields of care. I do...
Symptoms…Where The Wild Things Are.
Maybe I just haven’t learned the lessons deeply enough, or perhaps it’s time to learn some new ones. I am fighting tooth and nail against all of it. “Let the wild rumpus start!” The past month has brought out a number of experiences that are uncomfortable in their familiarity...
Protocols and their hidden lessons – Lesson 8
Due to frequent requests about the protocols I followed to get well from Lyme disease, I am sharing them here. It should be noted that the supplements I took were prescribed by my Naturopath based on test results, so they are specific to my body chemistry. When I struggled...
Depression, my Access to Love – Lesson 7
(Foreword: the majority of this was written mid 2011) “Roller coasters go up, roller coasters go down. Apparently I picked the mother of all roller coasters to ride. The past few weeks have been a series of whiplash ups and downs. Today I’m at the bottom, in the pit...
Emptying the mind, replenishing the soul.
A long awaited vacation after long, recurring bouts of dis-ease. I am not finished sharing the lessons that Lyme provided and continues to provide. At the moment, I’m enjoying my 3rd week of feeling remarkably well. There was a pop in my awareness that seemed to facilitate this wellness….but...
Sometimes We Should Eat The Cookie – Lesson 6
Standing alone in the kitchen, taking inventory of my body…stiffness in my neck, ache in lower back, knees complaining, deep fatigue, brain fog…crying. Yup, it must be Sunday. Seems to be a new Sunday routine. Looking over at the counter covered in bottles of various enzymes, vitamins, minerals, herbal...
Context is Decisive…Lesson 5
“The hidden contexts from which we live determine what we see and what we don’t see; what we consider and what we fail to notice; what we are able to do and what seems beyond our reach. In this view, all behavior – all ways of being and acting...
Warriors Cry Too – Lesson 4
“Warrior – a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness.” Aren’t we all warriors at certain times in our lives? When we are fiercely committed to something we engage in the corresponding actions with vigor and tenacity. And even when we stray from the path,...
I Created My Life, Just As It Is – Lesson 3
He patiently shared information, explaining how the immune system works, the impact of ‘leaky gut syndrome’ on the function of the brain, the integration of body, mind and spirit. My naturopath talked and I listened. On my brain’s worst days, he sounded like the adults in Charlie Brown…wah, wah,...
Meeting Myself Where I Am – Lesson 2
Patterns and habits rule when I’m not living consciously. That tends to play out with me trying to get everything done so that I can then take time out to rest, but only when everything is done. It’s funny just to write that out. When is everything ever done?...
What You Resist Persists – Lesson 1
The fog in my brain swirled endlessly, my head felt twice it’s size and weight. Every joint in my body wept and my spine felt like it was made of wood, unable to bend in any direction when I awoke each morning. Every day I waded through the sludge...