In the midst of what once felt like a fight for my life, the last thing I would have wanted to hear was that I was not allowing a sense a well being, or that complaining about my illness might be disallowing improvement. Actually, I might have been angered or insulted in response to those comments, because ALL my attention was on Lyme disease; researching the illness itself, researching treatments, and trying desperately to not be sick. These activities were what I felt were appropriate and sufficient. And I was sure that being well again would restore my sense of happiness, and so I was doing what I had always done in my very goal oriented life…I had set a goal of getting well and focused my attention on the ins and outs of addressing Lyme disease.
As far too many people know about chronic Lyme, it can completely pull the rug out from under you, sap your last ounce of energy, jumble your cognitive function, leave your skin itching like you’ve rolled around in poison ivy, and leave you in a heap of pain and misery. It was in this very place of despair that I gave up my resistance and fight against being ill, and allowed myself to be, just as I was, letting go of thoughts about what I should have been doing or wanted to be feeling. It was pure surrender…surrender being that ‘thing’ that was on the very bottom of the list of what I had ever wanted to allow myself to experience.
The sense of relief, from such intense energy expenditure on dealing with illness, was extraordinary, and in that moment there was a flow of well being into my experience. It wasn’t new, I didn’t create it, it was the true source of who I (we) am and always had been, but the experience of it had been blocked by my contracted state of resistance. In state of surrender it was ‘allowed’ to flow again. My body was still expressing illness, but I was experiencing a sense of well being inside of which the illness existed. By far, the predominant experience was one of well being.
“We didn’t say: when you feel good you are allowing good, and when you feel bad you are allowing bad (although it may translate into your experience in that way). There is only a Source of Well-being—which you are allowing or not.” ~ Abraham-Hicks
It was a roller coaster ride even after such a profoundly moving realization, and as I went from one deep dive into another, I came to trust this allowing, which included allowing deeply hurtful experiences, long since hidden away, to float to the surface of my consciousness for attention and release. It was like cleaning house.
Sometimes I found myself stuck in a low plateau. I eventually learned that if I focused my attention onto something inspiring or amusing or interesting, I could kick start the movement again. A personal favorite was allowing myself to be completely inspired by documentaries. I enjoyed survival stories and adventures but also watched Food Matters at least 5 different times, learning something new each time and being astounded at the incredible ability of the body to utilize food to support its own healing. And without fail, my sense of well being would become prominent again.
“It is not attention to lack of wellness that makes you sick. It is attention to the lack of many things… Chronic attention to unwanted things holds you in a place of disallowing your physical well-being, as well as disallowing the solutions to other things you are focused upon. If you would focus your attention upon the experience of physical well-being as much as you focus upon the absence of it, not only would your recovery come quickly, but maintaining your physical well-being and balance would also be easy.” ~ Abraham-Hicks
With the illness experience being a lengthy one, I definitely complained. I complained to myself and I sometimes got into groups where I shared and compared complaints. If I got on a roll, I went from complaining about being ill to complaining about many other things in life. It was not an easy time and sometimes it helped to talk it all out. But there was a distinct difference between how I felt when I got into a sea of complaints and swam in them and how I felt when I just vented and moved on.
“Most people do not realize that as they continue to find things to complain about, they disallow their own physical well-being. Many do not realize that before they were complaining about an aching body or a chronic disease, they were complaining about many other things first. It does not matter if the object of your complaint is about someone you are angry with, behavior in others that you believe is wrong, or something wrong with your own physical body. Complaining is complaining, and it disallows improvement.” ~ Abraham-Hicks
None of this is about inauthentically thinking positive thoughts, its about addressing illness with care and love, and also allowing yourself to put your attention on other things that support a sense of well being. Aligning with ‘good’ feeling things and tending to yourself from that better feeling place will impact your body’s response in a helpful way. One of the ‘aha’ moments I had after finally getting well was that the entire journey had not been about illness. The illness was a physical manifestation of the energetic offering I had been over a long course of my life, so while tending to my body was essential, it was equally important, if not more important, to address the emotional baggage that had been in the way of an expression of wellness and well being in my life. My body slowly but surely re-aligned to my refreshed energetic offering, and all the while a sense of well being was immediately available when I stopped and became mindful about the direction of my attention.
I offer this with love as an invitation to investigate and access a sense of well being while tending to the wellness of your body. You are deserving of love and a sense of well being, and it is within your own power to experience it, right now.